What you feel is not a dream
by Love-Pen
Summary: This is the story of Ten, known as Jayden Ashlinn. He was special, even for Cylon standards, but few on the Galactica recognized it. The one's who did were thrown into a turmoil of feelings and morality grey zones, when hell broke loose. This story will contain Slash!


**Heavy spoilers for all seasons, you'll definitely need to watch all of them first!**

Situated somewhere in the middle of season 3, after Baltar is back with the fleet, but before the food crisis.

This story deals with forming relationships between males. If that bothers you, don't read on.

I do not own a thing expect for the plot and Ten!

Chapter 1

I awoke with a gasp and a deep intake of breath, while my head rose above the liquids surface. The gooey white-transparent liquid matted my hair and I gave in to the urge of rubbing it of my bangs.  
I took a look around. This ship didn't look like the resurrection hub, so I concluded it had to be a resurrection ship. But that got me to the next and even more important question. Why was there even a copy of me aboard and why was I activated now?  
A metallic thumping came nearer, at least three Centurios judging by the frequency of noises. Soon enough a One and a Three accompanied by four Centurios came around the corner, looking alarmed. The Centurios weapons were trained on me.  
I didn't move and smiled a little bit. They were heading towards a big surprise.  
The number One, John stepped forward towards me, anger on his old face.  
"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in here?", he almost shouted.  
I looked at him after blinking once.  
"Calm down John. I am slightly hurt you don't remember me, but then again, The Five made sure none of you would. By your numbering my name would be Two, but since that name is already in use, I will settle for Ten."  
"You are NOT one of us!", John grunted. Then he turned to the Centurios. "Tie him up and get him ready for a expended questioning."  
The Centurios moved towards me, but I stared at eachs red scanner executing a special ability my model possessed. The Centurios stopped in track, and their scanners turned violet. Then they straightened up again and stood completely still.  
"Don't even try to get Centurios to harm me in any way."  
I finally stood up and grabbed the towel on a surface to my left. While I rubbed the slime of me, I watched the two dumbstruck Cylons intensely.  
"What happened?", I finally asked. The One already opened his mouth two protest vehemently, but the Two laid a hand on his arm and stepped forward.  
"I noticed some strange readings in one of the resurrection tanks and as I looked into it, I noticed, that the system revived a unknown live form. So I informed John and came down here."  
I sighed inwardly. That didn't solve anything. I decided to give them a bit of information, to gain their trust.  
"I was the second of two prototypes created as a test for your creation. The Five soon realized they gave me and my sister way to much power and made some serious mistakes in our personality. They boxed us soon after our creation and erased all data of our existence."  
"Personality mistakes? The didn't take out Two, why would the take out you?"  
I laughed at this. "So the Leoben model is still anything but normal? At least some things stayed the same. Our personality mistakes are different. As you know, the idea of a human Cylon is reproduction in biological means. Unfortunately, my sister prefers the company of women only, while I prefer men."  
"You're a fag?", One burst out.  
With a silent thought, the Centurios trained their weapons at John's head and while I clicked my tongue disapprovingly, they shot him right through the head.  
"I don't like being called a fag."  
Three gasped as the Centurios fired, but fixed her posture quite fast.  
I threw the towel around my waist and walked towards the exit of the room, while releasing control of the four Centurios. After a short pause, the Three followed me.  
"What do we do with the others?"  
Soon enough I stood, now fully clothed, in the command center of the resurrection ship. After I told them what I told the other two and being interrupted quite rudely by an aggravated One still dripping from resurrection I stared at the full group of all Significant Eight minus Three and Seven. I had already noticed that Daniel and D'Anna were missing, but decided against asking.  
"He could be a great assertion for our war efforts.", the Simon of the group stated after some seconds of silence.  
"War? What war?", I asked confused. Without waiting for the other I laid my hands in the data stream.  
Half an our later I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry. Our fifteen original copies were given to the old Cylons in exchange for a peace treaty with the humans and now we were at war again. And they killed Daniel! And boxed D'Anna.  
I didn't like humans. That's a fact. More so I felt a strong dislike towards them, for how they enslaved our brothers.  
The remaining Cylons watched me carefully, waiting for my reaction.  
I smiled at them. "When do I start and what do I begin with?"

"Dradis-Contact!"  
"What do we have", Admiral Adama asked.  
"Three incoming ships. IFF confirmed, a raptor chased by two raiders."  
"One of ours?"  
"It was lost at New Caprica. No radiological readings."  
Silence filled the room for a second. Then the admiral took the phone from beneath him.  
"Hot Dog, this is Galactica. Take your men and destroy the raiders, then escort the raptor to our hangar bay. And Lieutenant, if you have a feeling it's going try something, shoot it."  
"Confirmed sir, heading towards the target."  
Some minutes passed in silence. Then Hot Dogs voice sounded through the speakers again: "Raiders destroyed, escorting the raptor back to the landing bay. They communicated via light signals, their communication seems to be damaged."  
Adama walked towards the door closely followed by Tigh. On their way towards the landing bay Apollo, Starbuck and Helo joined them.  
"I have a bad feeling about this.", the XO murmured.

I allowed myself to smile a little bit. Until now it worked well. They 'saved' me from the raiders and I was as good as inside their hangar bay. They were sure to know all Cylon models so I wouldn't have to think about how to prove I was human.  
As the raptor landed I deactivated the engines and started to breathe a little harder and faster. The others insisted on damaging my body a bit, so the humans would believe my story. One beat me up with hidden joy in his eyes.  
So I did my best to limp out of the raptor.  
I recognized a few people in front of the raptor. There we had Lee Adama, his father Bill Adama, Saul Tigh, Kara Thrace and Karl Agathorn. Surrounding them were a few marines, rifles trained on me. I smiled inwardly as I thought about my next steps. I stumbled slightly forward and jumped down the raptor wing, barely able to prevent my fall. At least I made it look like that.  
The Admiral looked at me for a second, then he asked: "Who are you?"  
"Major Jayden Ashlinn, sir. Pegasus CAG. At least I used to be."  
"The Pegasus? What happened?"  
"Sir, with all due respect", Helo joined in, "I don't believe the Major will remain standing for an interrogation."  
Adama looked slightly taken aback and even a bit embarrassed. "Yes, of course not. Take him to the infirmary, Helo."  
Helo stepped towards me and threw my arm over his shoulder, while one of his arms circled my waist. I leaned onto him and we made our way of the hangar deck. It would be a good idea to activate my pain receptors for the docs examination. The pain washed over me like a flood and I couldn't suppress a moan.  
"Keep it up, we're almost there.", Helo's reassuring voice sounded through the red haze that overlaid my sight. One did more damage than expected, judging by the amount of pain I felt. And without any kind of warning everything went black.

I slowly woke up. I didn't open my eyes yet and listened inward to any signs of uncomfort and surprisingly I couldn't find any. So I listened outward and tried to make out who was around me.  
Somewhere on the other side of the infirmary I heard Doctor Cottle quietly talking to a nurse. There were two people standing around my bed, judging by the shifting noises I heard form time to time. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times to clear my blurry vision up.  
On my left side stood Helo, on my right side a man I didn't know. The stranger noticed first that I was awake.  
"Hey there. Are you okay?" I recognized the voice immediately, he was the one who destroyed the two bait raiders. That gave me an idea.  
"I know you. You were the one who destroyed the raiders!" The young man nodded and smiled a little. With one of my hands I took his hand and looked into his eyes.  
"Thank you... ehm..."  
"Brendan Constanza. But just call me Hot Dog."  
"Then thank you Hot Dog, for saving my life. I hope I can repay that sometime." Judging from the content and almost happy look on his face, my acting skills hadn't faded during my boxed time.  
Without letting go of Hot Dog's hand I turned my head slightly towards Helo. "What happened?"  
"We were walking towards the infirmary when you suddenly collapsed. The doc diagnosed an almost fatal brain aneurism, but was able to fix it just in time.", Helo explained.  
Fuck John. With a Centurio hand. And extended finger blades.  
"How long was I out?"  
"About one day."  
The door to the infirmary opened and the Admiral followed by Tigh entered the room. If one of them noticed that I was holding Hot Dogs hand they didn't comment it. Said pilot excused himself from the round, squeezing my hand reassuringly before he let go and exited the room.  
"How do you feel?", the Adama asked.  
"A bit dizzy, a bit weak, but definitely better then yesterday, sir."  
"Can you tell us your story now? Colonel Tigh has been... looking forward to hear it."  
I repeated the story in my head to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.  
"I was promoted as CAG of the Pegasus about a year before the Cylon attack on the colonies. One day I was ordered to do a normal patrol near the Cylon space. And suddenly, due to a damaged sensor, my Vipers engines activated themselves and I lost all control about the thrusters. With engines on full power I sped of into Cylon space. Soon enough a raider patrol found me and escorted my Viper to a basestar. They kept me alive, supposedly because they didn't want to risk a diplomatic incident.  
I was hold captive on that basestar until it jumped into a nebula. The nebula was highly charged with ions and filled the whole ship with high current lightnings. The toasters got roasted instantly, along with every human Cylon connected to the ship. Many others got hit by lightnings and died in the hallways. The fried system opened my cell and I took a run to their hangar and stole one of their raptors. Then I searched the fleet and finally found you."  
The Admiral and Tigh exchanged a glance and Adama asked: "If you got imprisoned by the Cylons before the war even started, how do you know about the fleet, or the war at all?"  
I anticipated that question and had an answer already formulated. I changed my expression to one of sorrow and looked at my hands. "They made me watch the destruction of Picon, were I was born and where my family lived." I let a single tear roll down my cheek. A hand grasped mine and held it and as I looked down I saw Helo's hand holding mine. My hand looked somehow small and fragile in comparison to his. Helo himself looked at the Admiral and gave no sign he was even aware of holding my hand.  
I wiped the tear away. "The human Cylon that guarded me almost all the time, he called himself John, told me that their war efforts were successful. He also told me of the civil fleet joining up with an old battlestar and that they sent a fleet to destroy it, but as he didn't talk of the fleet again, I was quite sure they failed.  
Then nothing happened for a very long time. Nothing out of ordinary at least. I don't know why they didn't kill me at that point, but I suppose that John had something to do with it.  
Then they sent Baltar to you and our basestar was the escort for the one that delivered him. Soon after that the nebula happened and I went to search you. I know you couldn't have jumped very far from the location Baltar was delivered to. And then I found you."  
The Admiral stared at me for a long time, his eyes and expression bare of any readable emotion. "Get some rest now Major. I will come back when your ready for duty again." He turned around and walked with Tigh on his tail through the infirmary. Shortly before leaving the room he turned around, looked at me and said: "It's get to have you back Major."  
I stared at the door for a while after Tigh and Adama left. I was positive Adama believed my story, but I was quite sure Tigh didn't. I had to do something against it.  
Or maybe I didn't have to. Tigh had neither at the Galactica nor in the rest of the fleet a well reputation and maybe it would even be good if he questioned my loyalty.  
"Are you okay, sir?" Helo's voice ripped me out of my thoughts. I opened my mouth to say that I was fine, but closed it again before looking down.  
"No, not really.", I answered quietly instead. Just then he looked down at our still joined hands and let mine go a little to quickly.  
"I'm sure after some time with some real humans you'll feel way better.", he said cheerfully. That almost made me laugh. If he knew... But instead I let out a bitter laugh. "You have no idea what they did to me and I doubt that I will be able to talk about it anytime soon, but believe me when I say, it's nothing time will heal."  
His smile slowly died on his face.  
"I...", he started but stopped again.  
"Don't bother. I will survive it, just go and do what you need to do.", I gave my best performance of a forced smile and after an apology he almost fled the room. Doc Cottle came a few minutes later to run a few basic tests and to check on my injuries.

A week later Cottle declared me ready for active duty and I could finally leave the infirmary. Helo didn't show up again, but Hot Dog visited twice. He was the one waiting in front of the infirmary now.  
"Hey Jayden. The Admiral ordered me to bring you to his quarters. He wants to talk about your future roll on the Galactica.", he said.  
I smiled and raised one eye brow. "And by pure coincidence it was you whom he charged with fetching me."  
Hot Dog scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I just thought, you know me and I was off-duty anyway, so..." I started laughing loudly and touched his arm briefly.  
"I'm just teasing."  
I followed him still smiling through the corridors of the Galactica. All of them were filled with a mix of military personal, marines and pilots alike, and civilians, who boarded at the evacuation from New Caprica. Of course I knew the blueprint of the ship and would've found the way myself, but that would've been more than suspicious.  
We arrived at the Admirals quarters and said our goodbyes. The room was decorated quite nicely, and I had to remind myself I was still aboard a ship. Rugs covered the bare floor and a big wooden desk sat in the middle of the main room.  
The Admiral was seated behind that desk and working on some paper. I stepped in front of the desk and saluted.  
"At ease Major." He looked up at me, expression, like every time we met, unreadable.  
"Colonel Tigh does not believe your story. He wants me to throw you in the brig and keep you there until the Cylons come and rescue you." Okay, no reason for panic right now.  
I laughed a little. "From what I heard about the Colonel, I would be concerned if he believed me rather than if he didn't, sir."  
The Admiral, too, let out a little laugh. "You might be right with that. And as much as I appreciate the Colonels advices, this time I tend to believe you. And we are short of pilots anyway, so I just can't allow for a probably trustworthy pilot to be stuck in the brig. You will be given your former rank as a Major and I expect you to go to the flight meetings beginning tomorrow."  
I gave him a genuine smile, that went way better than expected. "Thank you, sir. I appreciate your trust and will do my best not to fail you."  
"Dismissed, Major.", the Admiral said with a content expression. I turned around to leave the room.  
"Major!"  
I looked back at him.  
"You need a call sign. Any preferences?"  
"I'd like to take my old call sign, sir. It was Harbinger."  
"I'll inform the CAG about it. Lieutenant Constanza!" The door opened and red faced Hot Dog walked in. "Sir?"  
"Show Major Ashlinn to his quarters."  
"Aye, sir."  
I didn't even try to hide my grin and as we walked out of the Admirals quarters I asked: "Were you eavesdropping?"  
"Guilty.", he replied grinning sheepishly. "But I was so concerned and curious at the same time."  
We chatted about nonsense for the rest of the time, until we reached the pilot quarters. It was completely clean and made an uninhabited impression.  
"The you were the unlucky pilot for whom they had to open a new duty locker, so you practically have it all for yourself, unless we get another pilot." That was nice. A little away time from all those humans would be nice.  
"Thanks for showing me. I would say I'll take my stuff here, but there is none so I might just call it an early day. The first night in a normal bed after all."  
Hot Dog shrugged, waved and disappeared with a smile. I turned around and just let myself fall into the next vacant bed.

The following morning I walked into the pilots ready room. A few pilots were already there and had chatted quite loudly, but as I entered the room they fell silent and stared at me. I hesitated at the threshold, not quite sure where to sit, but I spotted a familiar face and walked towards it.  
"Hey Hot Dog."  
"Sir." Hot Dog acknowledged without looking at me. I was slightly taken aback. I had put quite some work into forming a friendship and without a pilot as my friend my task would be a lot harder.  
Right at that moment two other pilots stepped in front of my seat.  
"Who do we have here?", one of them drawled. "Looks like another one from the Pegasus for all I heard.", the other one commented.  
I kept my face expressionless and just fixated them with a piercing look from my blue eyes.  
"You know some of your man almost killed two of ours?"  
"Maybe we should teach you a lesson."  
"What's going on here?", a powerful voice asked from the other side of the room. Lee Adama had just walked into the room.  
"Nothing sir, we were just talking to our new... friend, the Pegasus CAG about what almost happened to the Chief.", one of them replied.  
Adama already opened his mouth, but I was faster. "I'll handle this, Major."  
He nodded slowly and with a little bit of satisfaction I saw the eyes of my two bullies dart towards my rank insignia.  
"Just to settle that once and for all", I said while I turned towards the group of pilots, "I am from the Pegasus and I heard what happened between you. But I was Pegasus CAG until a year prior to the Cylon attacks and that was way before Admiral Cain was even in command of it. I have nothing to do with anything that happened under her command." I threw an angry look throughout the room and following a sudden intuition I threw a disappointed look at Hot Dog. "Did I make myself clear?"  
A "Yes, sir." rumbled through the room and I sat down. Captain Adama made his way up to the desk on the far side of the room.  
"Though he introduced himself rather clearly, I want to make it formal. We got a new pilot here, Major Jayden Ashlinn, call sign Harbinger." Apollo then announced the patrol roster for the following weeks. I would fly in a squad with Starbuck as leader starting with the first patrol now.  
On my way out, Hot Dog waited for me at the door and opened his mouth, but I didn't even as much as look at him. My experience showed, that if you gave them the cold shoulder for a few days, they would crawl to your door outright desperate.

As I reached the hangar deck, the rest of the squad was already there. They were at their respective vipers and in the process of readying their birds.  
I stood there a little bit lost, not sure where to go, but the Chief was already heading my way waving  
"Major! Over here!" He motioned towards the Viper to his right. I made my way over to him.  
"I thought that as the old Pegasus CAG you'd rather take on of the Mark VII we have.", he said grinning at me like a school boy.  
It was funny to see how the Tigh and the Chief had integrated themselves into the crew without knowing their origin. That made already two of the Final Five completely oblivious for their role in the creation of us.  
I smiled slightly. "Good thinking Chief. I haven't flown a Mark II in ages."  
The truth was, I never flew with a Viper before. Any human Cylon was born with the knowledge how to fly any known ship, but to know how to fly it and to actually do it were two pair of shoes.  
Nevertheless I just climbed up into the cockpit without even hesitating a bit. I was expected not to.  
After I was sure I knew what all the instruments were good for and I remembered everything about the ship, I was more at ease.  
The Viper was transferred to one of the launching bays and the heavy gates closed behind me. I turned my head towards the tubes control room and saw the Chief giving me thumbs up.  
"Ready to go, sir?"  
"Get my out there chief.", I answered grinning. With a low rumble the Viper shot out of the starting tube into space. After a few seconds of uncertainty I got hold of my viper and steered it towards the rest of the group. As soon as the third Viper was in place we started our patrol.  
We were in space for twenty minutes when Captain Thrace spoke up.  
"Hey Harbinger. Your flying looks a bit forced. How the frack did you manage to become CAG?"  
I had two possibilities. Either secure dominance and play the rank card or try building a good working atmosphere and make sure she wouldn't interfere with my plans. It took me only a second to decide.  
I laughed quietly. "It's been a while since I last set foot in a Viper. A long while actually. It feels a bit slow and unmaneuverable."  
"How long has it been?"  
"About a year, probably a bit longer."  
"What were you doing? Where were you when the colonies got destroyed? Where you happily fracking with a woman instead of helping protect your home? Where were you!" Her voice was angry and got louder. I had to do something against that crossfire.  
"Listen closely now, I am only going to say it once.", I started, my voice low and dangerously cold. "You want to know where I was as they destroyed the Colonies? I was aboard a basestar, forced to watch the destruction of my home and the death of everyone I ever loved and knew, damned to watch without the power to do anything about it. Of all the torture I had endured to that point that was the worst of it all. So don't you even dare making me a scapegoat for your hate and sorrow, while my fate was worse than your worst nightmare."  
As I had hoped, that shut her up for the moment and we continued our patrol in silence.  
Two hours later we returned to the Galactica and I made a perfect landing. My feeling for the Viper had gotten better throughout the flight and now I felt like I never had done anything different than flying it.  
With the Viper elevator I was brought down into the main landing bay.  
The cockpit was opened and a ladder was brought to the side of the Viper so I could get out onto the landing bay. I squeezed myself out of the small cockpit and climbed down onto the floor, while taking of my helmet and giving it to a waiting crewman.  
I just turned my steps towards the nearest exit as I heard someone calling.  
"Major!" Starbuck came jogging towards me. She came to a halt in front of me and for a few seconds she just stood there and stared at me. I raised an eyebrow.  
"Was there something, you wanted to say, Captain?"  
She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but nothing came out and she closed it again.  
"I'm sorry.", she finally pressed through clenched teeth. I looked out her for a few seconds. "Was that all?"  
I turned around again continuing my way.  
"Wait!" She took my shoulder and turned me around again.  
"Look, I am not good at apologizing, never was, so a sorry is the best I can manage. And I am sorry, for all it's worth."  
I looked again for a while, then nodded. "Thank you."  
She grinned a little, cautiously. "Are we good?"  
I nodded again, this time with a small smile. "We are good, Captain."  
She smiled again and went back to her Viper. I watched her for a few more seconds and she turned around again. "Hot Dog is a good guy, but he's still not much more than a teen. Don't be to hard on him."  
Because she didn't look at me, but continued her way back to her ship, she didn't see my face. My mouth hang open and I was just staring at her back. How did she notice that? I had, for numerous reasons, been as discreet as possible.

That's all for now, the second chapter is already in process, and will be up in a few weeks or something :)

R & R will fuel my writers spirit :D


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